Tuesday, July 20, 2010

No more tears ! - A poem

Every drop of tear
Makes me feel bad!
As long as I am here
Never cry; N’er be sad!

Each and every tear
Every droplet falling down
You and yours tears shed
Its mine ! I shall own!

Love heals everything
Love gives us strength!
To keep you happy always
I would go any length!

Cos you are in my heart
And you shall be there ever!
Cos you are my life
No more tears, never!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Eight morals from the FIFA Wordcup 2010

Right from childhood, my grandma has taught me to look for morals in any story and what great stories we have had from South Africa.

1. News: Maradona and Dunga failed to become the men who could win the world cup both as a player and as a coach.

Moral : It is not only difficult to practice what you preach but equally difficult to preach what you practice.

2. News : Spain vs Netherlands : One of the dullest finals in the history of soccer.

Moral : When you rely more on leg pulling than on your own legs, life tends to get boring!

3. News: Suarez hand defence spoils the party for Ghana and wins the game for Uruguay.

Moral : Throw up your hands! “He” will take care!

4. News : Paul, the octopus is in danger as many Germans are ready to have it cooked for dinner

Moral : It is always better to tell sweet lies than bitter truths. Saves you from getting fried! Working people can spell the last word as ‘fired’ !

5. News : Ghana’s leading scorers Gyan was the reason for its failure as he failed to score off a penalty.

Moral : Anyone who is leading may not actually save you. Applies to elections as well.
Sub moral : Never trust “gyan”.

6. News : Shakira’s waka waka is a big hit in this world cup

Moral : No matter , how fast the legs run, hips matter and hips are always above legs.

7. News : voo voo zilla sold like hot cakes despite the irritating noise!

Moral : Wanna sell something, make noise ; good or bad noise ; either of them helps!

8. News : Paul has done better than the experts of the game in predicting the games . He makes his choice by choosing his food wrapped in a country's flag.

Moral : You dont need any expertise to become famous. Just choose what you like and have a go at it. Rest is history.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Broken Thorn - A poem

Where was I and Who was I
I kept posing myself!
And tried to peek up and down
Now, Where did I belong?

Then saw I, the leaves and branches!
Just beneath me, a budding rose!
Ah, I am, a thorn beside a rose!
A red budding rose!

As we grew along, I spoke to her
First a few babbles, Later verses
And then feelings ….
Together we grew to bigger sizes

As I kept growing stronger and stronger
The rose grew softer and softer
And as the wind blew
The rose rested itself upon me!

Ah, the touch of the petals
It was so soothing!
The soft tender petals
On my hard rugged self!

The rose said,
Where would I be without you?
And I too thought
Ah, this rose lives for me!

The rose pampered me with love!
Sowing in me care and pride!
And as the branches grew
Heights above, we did glide!

The sun shone on us,
We did see, The rose and I,
That we were quite on top!
A big red rose and a black hard thorn!

What would the future be?
I did ask! Rose said,
“Do we need one? This is bliss!”
In love’s glory did we bask!

What a beauty you are,
Get out of here!
Get plucked soon!
I said to her!

And as the plucker came in,
The rose said,
Its time for us to go!
“Us?” I asked wonderingly!

You are part of me
My dear thorn!
Said the sweet rose!
And believe did I!

And as we lay together,
The plucker cut us out
There we were lying in his bag
I and my lovely red rose!

Out of the bag,
the plucker took us,
I couldn’t help it
But prick him a bit!

“You little pricking thorn”
He took me with force!
And then came the cutter
To cut me off my red rose!

Off went my rose
To her new life
Let her be happy
Best wishes for her life!

Here I am, lying
Down in the floor,
A black hard thorn
Truly, this is where I belong!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

A reunion

She was the first to enter. And deservingly so. For no one looked forward to this more than her. As Shahi entered Le Meridien , the grand re-union of old schoolmates of Alpha who came out of school in the year 1991 had truly begun. And then came yours truly. Drove for some five hours just for these three and a half hours with friends. And just as I entered the hall meant for our re-union, pat came the pat on the back. A white sari devil (Shahi) started what she was particularly good at; demonising me :-) with her “Akka” supremacy. And soon Chitra joined us. You take any movie; any language; A lady drives in a macho vehicle like Scorpio , she’s framed a bully. But Chitra was as effeminate as the roses spread on those Le Meridien tables. Sari clad Scorpio driving Softie. And as Chitra and Shahi were evaluating if yours truly had put on weight or not, Amutha entered with her dazzling ku …ku… errr… cute sari :-)Though she calls everyone “vanga ponga”, She will not even mind if you call her “vadi podi” but try spelling her name with a  ‘d’ in it, and then it shall be “poda vada” for you! And some one likes French… Prabhu came in with a French beard and confirmed his penchant for the French wine. (What about the French k…. errr, French culture , Prabhu? :-). The daring Thiruna or the sky jump fame Thiruna arrived ( Thiruna, you insist that everyone calls with this prefix, or else,what is the point in jumping from such a height :-) . And he believes in “seeing is believing”. Cos, he played a video of his skyjump in his laptop and laid down any photo trick speculations :-) ( and raised video trick speculations ???). It was great to see that this old friend’s smile had not lost one inch of its grace despite this many years . LT Sounderrajan entered, smiled; conquered; kept smiling; kept conquering; and came to form a bit late ( only when the desserts arrived) . Wanna learn how to keep smiling without talking and still conquering, ask LT!
Arun , the born organiser that he truly was, enquired his brother if all the facilities were arranged. And boy, sports truly helps you to keep in shape. Want a proof? just look at Arun; “looks the same” phrase is made for him. K as he is popularly called , K.Senthil is an out and out, field man  ( no Arun, its not the outfield that you field in :-)) and K loves to work to make others happy.Indhu came in a white sari ( Any hidden deal with Shahi?) She spoke in measured tones and refused to sing with her nightingale voice but still managed to convince us that she hasn’t changed one bit and she is the same sweet Indhu that we’ve  known her as always; ( My part of the deal kept, Indhu, now your turn to praise me !). If in guys, the “looks the same “ award goes to Arun, Sowmya will bag it for the girls quite easily. And Sowmya believes in “Talk less and eat errr, sorry,  listen more policy ! And Mr & Mrs. Anand arrived in style. It’s always nice to see love triumph. And this love has not only triumphed but has planted its flag abroad. And then came whatever these “Made for each other” had made; Junior Anand ( Sanjay) arrived in a superior style sitting . And last but still the least , Ranjith arrived ( I meant he looked the youngest :-) ) Right from actor Abbas to our very own Ranjith , all these guys grow till 25 and stop there. Wish I could do that!

After trying to pull each other in an inorganised manner, we were given an opportunity to do that in organised fashion by our lion hearted K. The awards ceremony. And boy, what a speech he gave before that! ( Arun, I still suspect you gave him some things out of the common menu to evoke so many philosophical quotes) . Stories on Love, Friendship, ego… ( I propose “Thathuvath Thalaivan” award in next get together for K). For getting that name tagged glass wonder, the award giver had to say a few nice words about the award winner! We all said a “few” nice words and then the pulling was in full frenzy. And Anand is like Dhoni when it comes to parties. Starts slow ; gauges the situation; and once in control, goes full bang at it ! And he had  a go on almost everyone! Right from recalling Shahi’s oil applied “rettai jadai” to K’s thigh piece order at a hotel , he was just too good ! ( And Shuba, you are right, he’s got an elephant memory but never seen any elephant as energetic as Anand was in the party :-). Rajini comes late but he still comes with the latest fashion. And Ranjith came late too. Anand demonstrated Ranjith’s handkerchief fashion to a hall full of laughter. Nothing including Amutha’s earrings  and Sowmya’s thigh patting were spared. K described an incident where 50 men came to hit them when he was with Arun and how Arun escaped leaving K behind. Arun coolly denied the escaping part and said that he had just sprinted the hundred metres faster than K. ( Got a political career in hand , Machi!)  The other story where Arun copied in Tamil exam with the help of Hindi language student  Prabhu, was even more better spiced. We laughed our hearts out . And Shahi’s children  watched us wonderingly “ How childish these grownups are…!” .The dinner was good; dessert was great; And then amidst all the laughter , as we all walked out of the hall, a question hung in the air …Will we get another chance?? If not to relive those wonderful school days, at least, to have such reunions....

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Review of Ravanan

Saw Ravanan yesterday. Not Ravan, but Ravanan , the tamil version. Me and Mani have a love hate relationship. I fell in love with him in my teens after Mouna Ragam and the love blossomed with Nayagan and Agni Natchathiram. And it peaked in Geetanjali. But as I came out of my teens, and as Mani’s staple one liners failed to spring the surprises that it evoked initially, my teenie adoration for Mani got lost somewhere in Manisha’s Pardah and since Bombay, I’ve maintained my distance with this director as he started cashing in on seasonal sensations. In Alai Payudhey, I had some fond memories of yester year Mani but by then I had begun to learn to expect less from him. In Iruvar and Guru ,he came out as a matured director  but that apart he hasn’t done anything good in the past decade. So as I walked in to watch Ravanan, I did not carry the Dickens famed novel “Great expectations” with me.

Ravanan is a take on Ramayan. Good. It is not an exact replica and has its own twists. Still better. But what does it have for us? Le’ts see… Vikram is the modern day Ravan. He is categorised as a Ravan just because he abducts prithviraj’s wife. And Prithviraj is categorised as Ram just because his wife is abducted. ( Guys, Wanna become a modern day Ram? Well, u know what to do! Let your wives get abducted. Two plusses. You become Ram; and you are free from your wife). And Aishwarya is the modern day Sita and again its just because she gets abducted. Other than the abduction, there is no other thing in the characters which resemble the ethical ones. The producers of the movie can run a contest for the audiences and ask them to correctly identify Vikram’s role. Who is he ? A naxalaite, terrorist, a forest smuggler, a robin hood or a plain tribal Rowdy. Because nowhere in the story you get to find out why Vikram has to be chased with so much force by a Superindent of Police. (Cinema has got tired of Inspectors and ACPs even DSPs have lost glamour! Now it is SP , my dear! But I pity the tamil audience; in the previous Prithviraj movie they had to watch him as a chocolate college boy and in this he is an SP and no get-up change whatsoever! ) So all prizes for guessing what is Vikram’s job! Anyway in the two hours of the movie all he does is say some buck buck to Aishwarya, dance , give some strange facial twists ( trying to make up for the lack of twists in screenplay, I guess!) and hurl bombs at police jeeps. And you never know whether he is good or bad. He chops the hand of his sister’s groom just because he ran away from police and he saves Prithviraj who murdered his brother. Atleast in Velu Nayakan’s case only he did not know whether he was good or bad. In this case, no one including Mani knows! Vikram abducts Aishwarya. He harnesses feelings for her but never does anything much except a few ogles. Aish manages well not to cross the lines of an honourable wife and at the same time keep us guessing with her half-eyed looks at Vikram. And Prithviraj and Vikram clash . Karthik plays the Hanuman and the old magic is still there. He appears in just a few scenes but definitely over shadows Prithviraj when he shares screen space with him. His introduction scene is good and it raises a lot of expectations but then, what can Hanuman do when Ram himself is confused to the core! Till Vikram and Prithviraj clash, its Ramayan. From then on its Maniratnamyan ( yarn?!) . Vikram saves Prithviraj. And Aish gets back to Prithviraj. And Prithviraj doubts her. ( I liked that lie detector simile for Agnipravesham; Good one, Mani!)  And Aish gets back to Vikram to find out why her husband doubted her and in the process leads Prithviraj to Vikram’s hideout. And Ravan is demolished by Ram. That’s the story!

Vikram has come up with yet another great performance. Whenever a maverick role is offered to him as in pitamahan or Anniyan, he sizzles and Ravanan is no exception. Aish plays her role well and maintains poise in a cheeky role . She looks too hot with her low cut blouses . A real hot Seetha J. And about Prithviraj, the less said, the better. And listen, all ye folks, whenever a female character has to be raped by many, call Priya mani ( You too , Mani!) . There used to be a time when Satyaraj was called rape Raj. I only hope Priyamani doesn’t get any such prefix. The only humour that I had while watching the movie was that whenever Ranjitha appeared on screen, a section of the audience were calling out Nitayanada’s name. AR Rahman has come out with some great background score . His songs are good but Mani plays them behind his dialogues (Why hire an Oscar winner to play music and then play that song with inaudible volume while your characters rant dialogues? Only Mani can explain). Like all other mani’s movies, the dialogues are sharp. The real hero of the movie is Santosh Sivan and his brilliant camera work. And all shot in India… The way the locales have been selected and the way those have been shot, you’ve got to applaud the technical brilliance.

The final say… like Mani doesn’t know whether ravanan is good or bad , I do not know if the movie is good or bad. Well, if you are after technical brilliance or you are the type who would be floored by Aish’ s eyelashes or cleavages, or if you are the type who would tap your foot for ARR or get excited at Vikram’s bak bak, then, it’s a good movie. If you look for a free flowing screenplay or some original confusion less content, then it’s a bad movie. But I guess, its worth watching once. And the last word… Vikram is Ravan, Prithviraj is Ram, Aish is Sita, Priyamani is Surpanaga, Karthik is Hanuman… well, one great character of Ramayan missing…? Ya , where is Kumbakarn? It is you my dear! As you wait and wait for Ravan to do something extraordinary, Beware of dozing off while watching Ravan!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Happy Birthday , Maestro!

Today is Maestro Ilayaraja's birthday. Ilayaraja has given us thousands of songs to rant about. If I had to write on them, probably it might end up as a book and not a blog post. So , I've just limited myself to think ten things that would not have happened if Ilayaraja had not been born......

1. We would have never got those great songs which filled our youth..even today, in southern india , most men and women remember their love along with associated Raja's songs of those period. ...that melody filled youth wouldn't have been there. Maybe south indians would have wooed our real life heroines with "sanam theri kasam" or celebrated a party with "Laila oh laila" and would have never had a feeling filled regional touch to their lives. Raja freed us from the Hindi hit addiction that the previous generation had got into.
2. We would have never got great singers like Malaysia Vasudevan, Mano, Swarnalatha, Sujatha and Harish Ragavendar ( all introduced by Raja). May be Chitra would have gone the MG Srikumar way and got tied to just malayalam and would not have become the popular singer that she is  today..Probably the lyricists in poets like Vairamuthu and Mu.Mehta would not have come out if Raja had not been there to launch them.
3. S.Janaki might have finished her career singing classical oriented songs like "Singara velana deva" and we would have never known what a versatile singer she was. Only Raja found that Janaki can coo with passion in "Ponmeni Uruguthey" and make us cry with " Chinna Thayaval". He even made her sing for a male!
4. SP Balasubramaniam is a great singer. Truly great...He was one among that era who would have survived without Raja as he even had a Hindi market. But SPB himself would accept that his career would have never been the same if Raja had not been there.
5. Eminent Lyricist Kannadasan had gone into tamil minds much before Raja arrived. But if Raja had not been there , he would have bid us farewell with some Shankar Ganesh cabaret instead of the ever resonating "Kanne kalaimaaney"
6. Directors of the genre like Maniratnam who relied more on background music than on dialogues would have never ventured out if Raja had not been there to support them with those brilliant re-recordings.
7. Actors of the genre like Ramarajan would have never been cast ( let alone have a market) if Raja had not been there for them to lean back on.
8. One Diwali saw Raja giving music to four movies ..."Thalapathy" " Guna" "Brahma" "Thalaatu Ketkuthamma" four different movies of four different genre but Raja got into each movie and came out with magic. Can you ever imagine any such Diwali now where all the films music were composed by one music director?  Raja matched his quantity with quality. The legend goes that Raja composed the tunes of all songs of Chinna Thambi in half an hour. Now here was a man who was truly gifted. Be it the urban classical "Sindhu bhairavi" or the rural pathos "Mudhal Mariyathai"  Raja instilled a life into those movies with his songs.Versatality, Thy name is Ilayaraja!
9. Those days, only Raja could make a musical casette like "How to name it " sell without any Hero's picture on the label. Today Thiruvasagam sells not for its pious poetry but for the man who weaved magic with it.
10. And for today's teens, if there were no Raja there would have been no Yuvan for you to tap your foot for "Where is the party"...

This day as I just think what all we would have lost if the Isai Gnani had not been born, I solemnly thank June second for giving us a musical blessing! And blessed we were all to be in an era when Raja's music ruled the hearts.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Kites ......

Ah, here I am with yet another film review…”Kites”. Got caught in New Delhi with nothing to do, I went to the Ambience Mall and there as I was flooded with brands and brands and just as I took the elevator to escape from emptying my purse, I landed on the top floor….PVR cinemas. Yet another dilemma started. Kites or “Shrek Forever and After”. But Hrithik Roshan had already stolen my heart with Dhoom II and so, “Kites” it was…With the likes of Hrithik Roshan and Barbara Mori in the cast and when Anurag Basu dons the direction, you walk in with an expectation that the kite would be really colourful and it would fly up and up but…For those of you who’d like to know the plot… Hrithik is a dance teacher and he also has a noble part time job… marrying immigrants to get them green cards. (If I were he, I would switch the part time to full time :-)). And then he strikes gold…a Las Vegas gambling club owner’s daughter Kangana Raut falls for him. And she flashes her thighs at him and Hrithik is more impressed by her car than her thighs (while it is the opposite for yours truly :-)) And here’s our man, trying to become the son in law of the billionaire , Kiran Bedi ( Now ageing has nothing to do with appearing smart …. Ask Kiran Bedi !) . And then there’s a brother of Kangana Raut who is about to marry a Mexican girl ( Barbara Mori). On seeing Barbara , Hrithik does two things ….A . He falls for her. B . He recalls that Barabara Mori was the latest immigrant that he had married. (ever heard of getting married and falling in love..This is it :-)) Barbara Mori agrees to spend the night before her wedding with Hrithik in a chaste and romantic way but Hrithik’s brother in law traces them. And then a mega escape starts spanning countries with the villain hunting for Barbara as if she were his gambling club license and he could not exist without her. And what follows is a series of car races (whichever model car he steals, Hrithik manages to drive them faster than the chasing sports cars …who says India hasn’t produced any F1 champion?). Then there’s a bank robbery, which is thrown in as an adventure, but I seriously suspect that it compensates for the lack of comedy track. And when they really attempt at comedy using the age old trick of fooling each other with false translation like “ Ullu Ki patti” standing for “ I love you” , you just laugh cos you don’t have anything else to laugh for. They reach Mexico and marry and try to have conjugal bliss but villain’s bullets hit at the right (???) time and the lovers get separated. ( Moral of the story : Never wait til you get married !!!). The film has too many flash backs that you have to take a diary along to keep track of which flash back you are in at that time. Anyway, the whole story is a flash back with Hrithik trying to find Barbara after the separation. He discovers she has killed herself by falling from a high cliff and he goes to the same cliff and falls from there. Now, for symbolism lovers, the Kites have come down. And as the kites come down, the screen comes down. And then we ask ourselves “Did these kites ever take off in the first place?”. And I have a big grievance against all these fellas from Bollywood to Kollywood…when you decide to get a foreign heroine, why is it that you always have to find such dumb looking girls ( right from Nadodi Thendral to Lagaan…) . Barbara Mori is a big disappointment as far as looks are concerned. . Hrithik is wasted in a stupid slow moving movie. And so is my money…..

Thursday, April 29, 2010

What IPL is all about?

As the murky deals of IPL keep emerging everyday and every news channel flashes interviews of team owners, BCCI barons and the man with the Midas touch, Lalit Modi, the thing that strikes me most is the lovely dimple of Preity Zinta (cant help it man, old habits die hard!). As I try to come out of Preity’s dimples and Shilpa’s charms, and as I maneuver myself avoiding Shah Rukh’s promised nude dance ( Saurav must be really thanked for saving us all from this promised threat! Dada ki Jai!) and Vijay Mallya’s business belligerence ( you can feel free to call it acumen if you like him), suddenly it all becomes clearer to me. Hey, this is not about cricket. And this is not about business either. The IPL rises above this. It has shaken an already shaky government. It has consumed a ministerial birth, which Twitter could not, however best it tried. It is threatening two more ministers and it is threatening the relationship between a key ally and the ruling party. Surely, this is not cricket or business. IPL looks like it has risen to a level called politics. Now, don’t jump into a conclusion and say it is Indian Political league (though the P is very tempting!). No! If it were just politics, by now, our politicians would have mastered it. In IPL, politicians have become scapegoats. They are all licking their wounds and looking at their burnt fingers. If it were a Ram Mandir , they would have played it to the hilt but this is something new. They are yet to get to terms with it. So, IPL is not just politics. It is something more.

Is the IPL all about an individual’s dream enterprise being robbed away of the charismatic leadership of a creative icon? Lalit Modi did to IPL what Kapil Dev could not with ICL (Hey, which business acumen did you see in Kapil to throw at him ICL instead of the ball? I can hear all Kapil fans emphatically saying “Can Modi score 175? Agreed ! ) Lalit Modi brought in Shah Rukh, and Preity and then suddenly the media and the ad world sensed a marriage between Bollywood and cricket and money started pouring in. The expensive tickets, the prized T shirts, the coveted regional identities, the riveted TV viewer ships propelling TRPs , the nail biting finishes with super overs, the non – stop media coverage, the auctioned world class players …. All these took IPL to an altogether different league. BCCI crushed ICL using its muscle power …er , money power with the ICC and suddenly all we had was an invincible IPL sold by a convincing Modi! And if we were to name the most aggressive player of IPL, you can’t name the dashing Dhoni or the smashing Pollard. Its not the charging Bollinger or the charming Tendulkar. No, its certainly not Harbhajan (though Srinath would beg to differ!) . You look searching for aggression and you cant look beyond Lalit Modi. This man took on PC and took IPL to South Africa. He took on Tharoor and opened the flood gates of a Water gate! He chided the media; wooed the crowds; lunched with celebrities; and kept the show on and on! Truly Lalit Modi did play a role (a big role!). But cant the IPL go on without Modi? Will the IPL not flourish further? Come on, you must be kidding … Be it Lalit Modi or Malit Lodi, the IPL is here to stay. Can’t see a bigger circus, man. So, this is not about Modi. So nothing individual here ( and Mr.Modi! nothing personal either!) .

So, what is IPL all about? The IPL is an annual circus filling the cash coffers. Look at it from a deeper socialistic angle. As the cash registers keep ringing, halt for a minute and ask yourself, just as your head spins at the mention of 1500 crores auctions and 300 crore remunerations, and just as owners talk of a fair evaluation in excess of 1000 crores per team, ask yourself who gives these crores? It is once again, the common man who buys a Chennai Super Kings T shirt. It is that Bengali who buys a ticket he could just about afford and cheer his Dada’s failures. It is that typical “Amchi Mumbai” guy who keeps chanting Sachin’s name as he watches the IPL in Mumbai’s multiplex! It is that college guy who starts playing Ungli cricket even after watching Abhishek and his deputy miserably failing to make us laugh! In society, money keeps flowing. It flows from the rich to poor; and from poor to rich; The flow from rich to poor is facilitated by extravagant goods like the Mercedes car and profligate marriages. And these days, elections are also proving to be a nice platform where money flows from the rich to the poor (with due respect to the election commission) And it flows from poor to rich in case of entertainments like cinemas. It flows from poor to rich in case of bribes. And IPL is just another medium, which the rich have invented to ensure that money flows to them from the poorer sections (poorer to them!) So its all about money, honey! As long as the movie is good, why wonder whether the director is paid more or the actor is? As long as IPL continues to charm you, why wonder whether Modi has cheated Powar or Tharoor has cheated Sonia? Why bother? Sit back and enjoy as Yuvaraj sweeps and Preity weeps! After all it is we who have paid for this circus! Let the circus go on!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

My name is Khan review

Well, when Karan Johar , King Khan and Queen Kajol come together, where else can you be but inside the theatre? And there I was , my memories filled with flashes of Kuch Kuch Hota Hain, Kabhi Alvidha na kehna and the likes. A royal treat its gonna be , I kept telling myself. And " My name is Khan" started. ( Be careful not to miss the "h" in the Khan, lest Riyaz Khan, the hero, might get angry). And talking about Riyaz, well , if you wanted a glimpse of the naughty Khan of Kuch Kuch or the effortless Khan of Main hoon na, , simply forget it. This Khan is autistic. If you had been mesmerized by the romantic looks that Khan gave Kajol in Dilwale or the feelings which those eyes conveyed at Kajol in Kuch Kuch, then I pity you. This autistic Khan can't even look at Kajol. But then, as fate would have it, here we are, with an autistic Khan and a divorced mother of a son, Kajol, indulging in romance. A romance of a different kind. OK, you forget kuch kuch, you forget Karan Johar and try to reconcile into a serious movie ( quite reluctantly....). And what do we have?
We have this autistic Khan being brought up by an adoring mother who teaches him about good men and bad men. There’s a master who teaches him physics. And there’s an younger brother who gets into a sibling fight and flies to America. And mother dies. And Khan informs us that mother got a promise from him that he would go to US and lead a happy life. And we have Riyaz flying to US. And then he sells women’s cosmetics in San Francisco. No , dont laugh. This really happens. An autistic Khan suddenly flies to US and sells women’s cosmetics. So much for realism.
And he meets Kajol. Loves her. But then , one thing you will have to give it to Kajol. She hasn’t lost her magical touch one bit. And she tries desperately to fill life into a role, which defies logic. She is a mother of a boy. She is divorced. And then comes the autistic Khan who keeps asking her to marry her. And she does when Khan shows her a place in San Francisco that she has never seen. Again, believe me, that was the condition Kajol lays down for the marriage. Thank God, Karan Johar isn’t God, otherwise, only tourist guides can marry. And then Khan and Mandira (Kajol) marry and Mandira , a Hindu becomes Mandira Khan and her son takes the surname Khan. And 9 / 11 happens and hatred for Muslims starts. And soon we find that the little boy is murdered in a fight at school as he is a Khan.
And then comes the shocker. Kajol cries for her son and says, Khan is responsible for his death and asks him to leave her. And then as Khan leaves, he asks her, when do I come back. She says you come back after meeting the President and telling him you are not a terrorist and Khan sets out to do it. Hey, where are you running? This is the plot and I am not lying. The extra ordinary journey that they advertise is this journey that Khan takes to meet the US President. And after stifled yawns at Khan wandering places and blatant irritation at Khan fighting a storm , we finally have Riyaz Khan meeting the President and telling him he is not a terrorist. We feel like screaming, you are not a terrorist and we are not fools either! Finally, it all gets over and you walk out in silence trying to comprehend whatever happened to the magic of the three Ks , Kajol, Karan and King Khan of yester years. But then, those were yester years………. And before I forget, the music is good. Camera is excellent. But the movie is bad, my dear!

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